Motivation

Motivation

Most of the time the difference between success and failure is a decision.   The decision is usually based on a reward / consequence emotion.  Your desire to achieve the reward of success plus the pain of accomplishing the tasks necessary to reach your goal = SUCCESS!!!  However, some people will decide the pain of accomplishing the tasks is too great for the reward and the consequence for not completing the tasks is acceptable. Once you get into this thought pattern it can be very difficult to get back out.

“Successful people are willing to do what unsuccessful people won’t”.

“I am not motivated”, “I need to get motivated”.  These are two of the most common statements I hear when someone is not wanting to accomplish a task.   Have you ever said that?  The truth is you are motivated.  You are motivated to NOT do something.  Is it losing weight, cleaning the garage, or something else?

There are two types of motivation, Positive and Negative.

Positive motivation is all about the reward you receive for completing a task.

Negative motivation is the consequence you receive for not completing a task.

When we look at a reward for positive motivation, it could be an emotion or something material.

The consequence for negative motivation could be an emotion or even loss of a material item.

So, when someone says; “I am just not motivated to (fill in the blank), the truth is they are focused on the negative motivation.  Losing weight is a great example for adults.  Many adults struggle with this issue.  Losing weight for most people is simple but not easy.  Unless there is a medical condition preventing weight loss, all someone has to do is eat correctly and workout.  Now, when you break that down a simple process can become very difficult for busy people.  Trying to eat correctly can be difficult if you are on the go.  It is very easy to stop at your local fast food restaurant for that high calorie meal.  When you make that decision, you are making a decision to accept the consequence rather than the reward.  This happens because the emotional attachment to the consequence is not great enough to go through the trouble of eating right and working out.  It is that simple.  YOU HAVE TO GET ANGRY!!! YOU HAVE TO ATTACH A SIGNIFICANT EMOTION TO THE REWARD / CONSQUENCE.  This is why many people find success by using a personal trainer.  Sure, a trainer can educate you about the correct choices, but once you know what to do they motivate you to do it.  They are there to hold you accountable.

Kids are the same way.  The challenge with kids is the amount of negative motivation a parent uses to get the behavior a parent wants.  Hear me CLEARLY!!! You have to apply negative motivation (discipline) to get a child to do what they need to do.  The problem comes in when there is not enough reward (positive motivation) to accomplish a task.  In my opinion you need to praise your child ten times more than you correct them.  I am not saying you need to bribe them.  However, on an occasion that is not a bad thing.  If you are constantly disciplining your children and not offsetting that with proper praise and reward, your child will develop a negative outlook.  The secret is to get your child or even an employee to want to do what needs to be done.  Catch him / her doing something right and praise them for it.

Steve Swinford is the owner and Master instructor of Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  He can be reached at www.normankarate.com or 405-447-3005

Potential

Imagine a world where every person performs to his or her God given potential.  I imagine there would be little hunger, homeless, unemployed and people in prison.  Sure, I am over simplifying the issue.  If you look at children in the United States that go without food daily, you will find in most cases the parents are not living up to their potential.  Sure, there are some unavoidable circumstances.  But, in many cases it goes well beyond that.  It is adversity that knocks someone down.  Then they fail to get back up and give it 100%.  While perseverance is another topic it does play a part in not reaching your potential.

If your child is making a C in math, is it because they have reached their ability?  If your student had a D and is now making a C they are certainly on their way up to full potential.  The interesting thing about potential is that we are capable of so much more than we expect or require of others and ourselves.

It really does not matter if you are an adult or a child.  Failure to reach our full potential is about motivation (see my blog on motivation).   We are living in an entitlement society.  Entitlements are not about reaching potential.  Entitlements without conditions are about a lack of expectations.  

You get what you expect.  Expect to get up and give 100% to your job.  It is irrelevant whether you like your job or not.  Expect your children to give 100% in every task they attempt.  While it is not reasonable for a child to make an A on every assignment, it is reasonable to expect a child to consistently improve and give 100%.

While I was at the Moore Police Department I transferred into one of the local JR. Highs.  I was amazed at the lack of expectations with some of the children.  If a child had been diagnosed with ADD or some other challenge, they would get an Individualized Education Plan (IEP).  Most of these children were floated through the school.  The teachers were frustrated, the parents (some) were frustrated, and the principal was frustrated.  The expectation was lower for these children.  I saw several children that were not allowed to have homework (it was in their IEP).  Some children only had an IEP to prevent them from being kicked out of school.  If a child has an IEP (diagnosed with an disorder or challenge) they could not be suspended for more than 10 days a year.  It was the thought of many teachers that some children were diagnosed and given IEP to prevent them from being suspended for behavior issues.  Some of the behavior that I observed I diagnosed a LBOB disorder.  LBOB Lack of Board on Bottom.

The point of this article is not about who should be diagnosed with a disorder or who should not.  This is about expecting every person to reach his or her potential.

YOU GET WHAT YOU EXPECT from yourself and from others.  Expect the best.

Steve Swinford is the owner and Master Instructor of Victory Martial Arts Inc.  Norman Oklahoma.  www.normankarate.com 405-447-3005

He did WHAT?

Now that school is back in session bullying is a real concern.  Unfortunately, with technology bullying has increased significantly over the last ten years.

Why is someone a bully?

Why is someone a victim?

The underlying cause is a lack of confidence.  You are either a bully or a victim due to lack of confidence. A confident child is neither a victim or a bully.

What effects the confidence of a child?

Public criticism can destroy a child's confidence.

Remember: Public Praise, Private Criticism!

How you handle confidence building as a parent is vital to that child's confidence.  But, how a teacher handles confidence building is just as important.

When looking at extracurricular activities, you want to make sure it is an opportunity to build confidence.  If you child is sitting on the bench they are losing confidence.

Confidence building needs to be a purposeful well thought out process.

At Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK our curriculum is designed to increase a child's confidence in each and every class.

Marital arts is a great way to increase a child's confidence, If done correctly at a professional school.  Unfortunately, many schools are not professional and do not understand the process.  A professional school has full time instructors and has a written life skills curriculum. This means the instructor is full time and does this for a living.  This gives them the ability to develop and modify their curriculum as needed.  Most schools are either part time or volunteer instructors.  I would not look for the cheapest school.  You are not buying a car.  If you have a serious illness are you looking for the cheapest or the best?  There are many factors that need to be considered when choosing a martial arts school.  But, that is a topic for a later date.

I had a parent come to me years ago.  She stated that her son was being bullied daily at school and had been physically injured several times.  I explained to her that our program could increase his confidence and trough time would reduce the incidents.  I was very clear that this is a process and does not happen overnight.  Her son started in the program and was doing well.  Two weeks after starting his mon called.  She stated that her son took a knife to school and was suspended for the rest of the year.  She was so angry with him she grounded him to his room.  She was more angry that her son was OK with it.  She stated that she was taking him out of karate.  Because she did not want to reward him.  I explained to her that confidence building was a process.  I ask her why she thought he took the knife to school.  She said "I don't know".  To me it was simple, he took the knife to school so he would get suspended.  He was safe in his room and would not be in fear of getting beat up.  She did not understand the problem or the solution and took him out of marital arts.  It was like not giving him medicine that he needed.

A child is at greater risk if they have ADD, ADHD, or Autism.  They are seen  as different.  And bullies will hone in on that.

I have a student that has ADD and a sensory disorder.  His parents brought him to be because he was being bullied.  I explained to them that it was process and overtime his confidence would grow.  They saw a decrease in bullying incidents quickly.  But, to some degree he was still being bullied. They tried everything.  They went to the school.  Had a conference with the teacher and the parents of the bully.  But, nothing seem to help.  Their son had been at Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK for about a year.  One day at in the school hallway this bully approached my student and started in on him.  Calling him names and then he pushed my student.  My student without hesitation unleashed an all out counter offensive on the bully.  The bully fell to the ground.  Then got up crying and ran away.  My student has not been bullied since.

His mom was so excited that her son finally stood up to the bully.

Now, I am not an advocate of fighting.  But, all else had failed.  When someone lays hands on you it is time to defend yourself.  There is no reason to be any one's punching bag.  Normally, the schools had a no tolerance for fighting and everyone gets suspended.  But, in this case everything was on the schools video system.  It was a clear case of self defense.  And the parents had exhausted all other means to resolve the problem.

The object is to win without fighting.


Sincerely,

Steve Swinford
Owner /Master Instructor
Victory Martial Arts
Norman, OK
www.normankarate.com

Back to School Safely

Many of you might not know I have been a police officer for over 17 years.  I am also the owner of Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  That experience has been valuable in seeing trends in attempted child abductions.  At Victory Martial Arts we teach these valuable lessons and much much more.

So, we are going to focus on keeping our children safe from creeps (bad guys) It is very common to see an increase in attempted child abductions around this time of year.  Predators will gravitate toward areas where children gather.  Please talk to your children about these dangers.  I recommend that you role play with your children.  Try to keep it light, as we do not want to scare the kids.  We want to educate them to dangerous situations.  So, they can avoid them.

Here are a few tips:

1 Talk to them about different lures bad guys use, like candy and lost dogs.  It is not important to know them all.  The kids just need to know if stranger approaches asking for help to run.

2. Let then know that it is not appropriate for any adult to ask a child for help.

3. Keep your eye on routes that kids walk to or from schools.

4. If your child rides the bus develop a rotation of parents to take turns sitting at the bus stop.  Many times bad guys will watch an area for days to find he target.  If you are there he will move on.

5. God gave you the gift of fear (Intuition).  Listen to that gut feeling and act.  If you see something out of the ordinary call police immediately.  It is better to call and not need that need and not call.

6. Do not let your children walk to school alone.  Make sure they are in groups.

7. When walking to school, let them know to stay away from the road.  They should walk on the sidewalk as far away from the road as possible.

8. If your child sees the same car passing slowly several times, they need to get farther from the road and pick up the pace.  Run if needed.

9. If your child is walking to school, check the route for people you may know.  Look for safe houses along the way.  Talk to the people that live at those houses and see if your child can use that house for a safe house if they FEEL like they are in danger.  If your child needs to run they can run to the closest safe house.

10. If your child has to run it is better to go to a safe house than your home if no one is home.

If you have any questions or I can help in anyway, please let me know

 Steve Swinford

www.steveswinford.com

Back To School with ADD & ADHD

ADD and ADHD affect each child differently.  The severity of the ADD & ADHD is one reason for this.  One thing each child has in common is the lack of focus for any substantial period of time.  I am the owner  and Master instructor at Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  Many of the children in our program have some level of ADD or ADHD.  We have had great success with these children by designing our program and curriculum around their needs.

Every child and many adults can benefit from increased focus.  I believe that the two main life skills to achieve success are FOUCS and CONFIDENCE.  If you have the ability to block out distractions and concentrate on your work and you believe in your ability to achieve success, you will succeed.

Of course there are other life skills important to success, like perseverance.  But, those are secondary to FOCUS and CONFIDENCE.

The children affected by ADD & ADHD often are victimized by bullies.  There is a direct correlation to lack of focus and lack of confidence.  A child that lacks confidence is the target of a bully.   Children with confidence DO NOT get bullied.

Does you child get frustrated easily with school work?

Does you child make comments or feel like they cannot succeed?

If a child is not able to stay on task they will become frustrated and start to act out in class.  This can and will cause many teachers to verbally reprimand the student.  So, the child is continually being corrected.  The constant correction will cause student to lose Self-Esteem quickly.  Here are a few tips  to help get your child ready for the upcoming school season.

1. Have your child focus on a task like a few spelling words for three minutes.  Then give them a break for 5-10 minutes.  Then repeat the process.  If they have trouble focusing for three minutes, lower the time.  You can use spelling words or a book.  The key it to stop before your child becomes frustrated.
2. Change your child's bedtime to what it will be when school starts.
3. Have home work time in the evening.  Make sure you use Idea # 1 
4. Start talking to your child now about school and what to expect.
5. Some child have a lot of anxiety about going back to school.  Get them up and go through your daily school routine.  You can actually take them to the school just like you would when school starts.  Once, you get to the school, get out and walk up to the doors.  Talk them in a positive manner about school.  If they ride the bus, take them to the bus stop.  This might seem a little extreme, but, it will get your child into the routine.

Usually, we as parents wait until school starts to change routines. This is a serious change for the children.  They are in a class with new kids, they have a new bedtime, homework, and much, much more.  It is important that we implement as many changes as we can slowly over time.  This will help your child adjust to going back to school.  

I have been very fortunate to teach hundreds and hundreds of children over the past ten years at Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  My experience in teaching children has helped me identify some very important techniques that will increase a child's focus and increase their confidence at the same time.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions.  www.normankarate.com

Steve Swinford
Owner / Master Instructor
Victory Marial Arts
Norman, OK
405-447-3005

Response to an active shooter

Over the last 20 years we have seen a significant increase in mass shootings.  The most high profile mass shooting were at schools until last year when Representative Gifford was shot in the head.  Six died and 12 were wounded in that shooting.  The most recent active shooting massacre elevated the attack by using tear gas and then opening fire.  In the recent Colorado shooting 12 were killed and 58 wounded.  The main difference in this attack and most others is the amount of stimulation overload that was experienced by the victims.  Think about this for a moment.  You are in a theater with the lights out, a big bight movie screen flashing, very loud speakers and now a man throwing tear gas and shooting.  Let's look at something that is called the Boyd Cycle.  The Boyd Cycle also called O.O.D.A.

O - Observe

O - Orient

D - Decide

A - Act

When something is happening the first thing you do is observe it.  You have not yet processed what it is.  In the Colorado shooting many people observed the shooter walking in to the theater from the exit door.  Orient - You then orient yourself to what is happening.  In this case many people thought the shooter was a part of the show.  This caused the orientation phase to be much longer.  Decide - Once you have oriented yourself to the danger you must decide what to do in a fraction of a second, under extreme stress, and in most cases without any prior training.  Act - Then you must act.  Hoping that your decision is the right one.

Today we are going to cover some techniques and ideas that will increase your chance of survival in an active shooter scenario.

Let's talk about Fight or Flight.  This is an auto response to a dangerous situation.  When danger is near you will either fight or run.  In both shootings that I talked about above, some people chose to lay down and act dead.  I watched an interview of a lady that was in the Arizona shooting.  She said, she thought it best to lay down and act dead.  The shooter systematically started shooting people that were laying down.  He ran out of bullets shooting the lady next to the person being interviewed.  She was next.  If you are in an open parking lot, statistically, you have a much better chance running.  Shooting and hitting a moving target is very difficult.  I am a trained police sniper and I can tell you it takes a lot of practice to get good at shooting a moving target.  Most bad guys do not have the training to master shooting at a moving target.

Cover and concealment - Cover is hiding behind something that will stop a bullet.  Concealment is hiding behind something that will keep you from being seen.  A car is cover and a table or chair is concealment.  If you are running, you should be running to a place of cover.  Then Identify the next place of cover and run to it.  The idea is to continue to create distance.  If you get to the first place of cover and you feel safe, stay until you feel you need to move to the next.  But, do not wait too long.

 Here are a few tips:

1. Carry a small flashlight.  Get a good one with the highest lumes you can get and are willing to carry.  This can be used to temporarily blind an attacker.  Or in a dark place can help you see to get out.
2. Sit on an outside isle.  Never sit in the middle of row.
3. Sit with your back to a wall if possible.  You want to be able to see the front door or entrance.  And you should be close to an emergency exit.
4. When you walk in to a restaurant, school, or any other building, look for the nearest exit and then a backup exit, Plan A is this door,  Plan B is that door.  You do not need to walk around scared and paranoid.  But you do need to be prepared.  If you already have a plan you take Decide out of the cycle.  This speeds your action and chances of survival.
5. Have a rally point for family members.  When you walk into a place you need to tell them "If something happens we all will meet here",  "If you can not get here, we will meet there"  You need at least two rally points.  Both need to be in a place that offers additional cover and escape routes.
6. Back your car into the parking space or pull through.  In moments of high stress backing a vehicle can be very difficult and it will slowdown you escape.
7. Leave the area.  If an attacks happens leave the area completely.  Once the situation is contained you can give a statement to police.

The bottom line to an active shooter is this:  Someone has to be a HERO!!!  That might not be you, but someone has to take on the shooter.  On July 27th, 2008 at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, TN.  a shooter walked into a crowed church and opened fire.  Greg McKendry a longtime church member and usher intentionally stepped in front of the gun and took the blast saving several people.  Three others in the church tackled the shooter and held him for police.  Now, I would never tell anyone to step in front of a gun.  Most of these types of heroic actions are spontaneous acts.  Because that is who they are.  They don't need to think about it.  If you are unfortunate enough to be within close proximity to the shooter, you have a couple of choices.  Attack, Run, or lay down and hope he/she does not shoot you.  

Concealed carry permit holders - If you have a handgun your decision process has more to it, Attack, Run, or Lay down and hope you do not get shot.  If you choose to attack there are many things to consider like hands on or draw and shoot.  We will focus on draw and shoot.

1. What is between you and the shooter?  Do you have a clear shot?  Are there people running between you and the bad guy?
2. What is behind the target?  Are there people running behind the bad guy?
3. Have you practiced drawing and shooting with the handgun concealed?
4. Have you practiced drawing and shooting under stress?
5. Have you practiced shooting on the move?
6. Have you practiced shooting at a moving target?

If you are going to carry a gun you need to take tactical handgun classes PERIOD!!!  Standing in a gun range, shooting at a paper target with no stress will not prepare you for a gunfight.  You would be better off running or going hands on.  I am amazed at the amount of people that get there carry permit and never train.  With that being said most police officers are not trained well either.  As a former SWAT team member we trained often shooting on the move, running from cover to cover and shooting, shooting around barricades, and shooting from different potions.  Look in your area for a reputable range that teaches tactical handgun.  If you cannot find one close, travel as far as you need to for the classes.

Steve Swinford is a 17 year law enforcement veteran.  He was a member of the Moore SWAT team, he is a trained sniper, Police Defensive Tactics Instructor, Taser Instructor and has trained in martial arts for over 30 years.  He has fired his handgun in the line of duty and understands the difficulty in shooting under stress.

If you are interested in having him a guest speaker at your business or organization, he can be reached at www.normankarate.com and click on the contact us page.  Or you can email him directly at steveswinford@cox.net.  Steve Swinford has articles weekly on a a variety of topics.  Upcoming topics include, Back To School With ADD and Back To School Safely (a guide to preventing child abductions)  You can subscribe to his blog to receive this articles.

Six Qualities That Make A Champion!

Focus – Is our ability to block out distractions and concentrate on our work.  Our mind races all the time.  Try to focus for one minute on any one topic.  Sounds easy right?  Set a timer, close your eyes and only think about one thing.  Do not let your mind wonder.  You can only think about the one topic. 

Not as easy as you thought?   A child’s ability to focus is even smaller.  This is one reason children can struggle in school.  Children with ADD or ADHD have a more difficult time focusing than those children that do not. 

I Have Great News!!!  Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK specializes in ADD & ADHD.  We have taught children with varying degrees of ADD, ADH, and Autism with great success.  Maybe you perceive your child to have good focus.  That’s ok to.  We can help them have GREAT focus. Click here to find out about our Internet trial program.  

Speed  - is making a fast decision to succeed and immediately taking action towards our goal.   Most people have a great idea that never gets implemented.  Have you ever had a project or task that needed to be finished by a certain time?  We all have.  Did you wait till the last minute to start that task?  Truth is a lot of people will wait till the last minute to start.  This causes unnecessary stress, not to mention produces a result that is not near a good as it could be. 

The good news, we can help.  Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK program is designed to help the student set a goal and develop an action plan to accomplish the task necessary to complete the goal.  By setting these small goals and taking action to successfully complete the goal, the student develops a lasting habit of acting quickly to accomplish task.  Let’s use speed today!!! Click this link as fast as you can to take advantage of our internet special trial program.

Self Discipline – Doing what you know you need to do without being told.  This is one of the most important qualities.  You must put first things first.  Complete the most important things first.  Does your child have chores they must complete daily?  Do you have to tell them everyday to do those chores?  Unfortunately most parents have to tell their children everyday to do the chores.  First, you must make sure your child knows exactly what they need to do ever day.  Give them a routine to accomplish the chores and then just expect it to be done. 

It is critical that you as a parent give your children responsibilities, teach them how to complete the chore correctly, expect them to complete it, and then hold them accountable.

At Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK, the students get responsibilities.  Like making good grades, being respectful, acts of kindness, and many more.  We teach the students how to fulfill their responsibilities and then we hold them accountable.   We only have a few spots left in our trial program Click here to get started.

Confidence  - Simply means we KNOW we can achieve our goal.  Confidence is one of the most important qualities of a champion. 

Why does a child become a victim of bullying?  Lack of confidence!

Becoming a victim of bullying or bullying someone is the result of low confidence.  Once a child is a victim of bullying, if it goes uncorrected will cause the child to have low self-esteem.  Low self-esteem will eventually cause depression.  YES, Depression in children 6,7,8,9 years old. 

No child should have to suffer daily at the hands of a bully.  Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK program has an anti bullying element integrated into the curriculum.  There are many programs out there claiming an easy and fast solution to bullying.

The fact is, like everything in life, there is a process.  This process takes time.  A child’s confidence can and will decline faster than you can get it to go up.

We set the kids up for success.  At first the victories are small and frequent.  We are always encouraging the students.  These small frequent victories will raise a child’s confidence level.  As the student becomes more confident the challenges become harder and require more focus and commitment.  Until, the student reaches BLACK BELT.

Some children do not have a confidence issue.  Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK will challenge these students to be better and more confident.  Click here for more confidence

         

Intensity  - Is giving 100%, trying as hard as we can to achieve our goal.  If you have self-discipline to put first things first, you are focused on the tasks needed to be successful, and you are confident you can achieve your goal, all you have to do is put 100% effort in and you will be success. 

At Victory Martial Arts, Norman, OK I never ask a student to be the best.  I simply ask them to be their best.  This means making the best grade they are capable of making, doing their chores correctly the first time.  I teach the student to be their best physically and mentally.  Regardless of the outcome my students know they did their best.

Think back to a time you were disappointed in a result.  Maybe it was in school, athletics, or even a relationship.  If you can say I did my best, there is no reason to be disappointed.

We will not always be first, but if we give our best we will be a winner.  Click here to give your child intensity

Perseverance – is never giving up.  The road to success is paved with failure.  The fact is most people quit before right before they find success.  If you quit you will not be successful.  It is as easy as that!!!

Some children jump from activity to activity, seemingly never sticking with any one thing.  Martial Arts will teach students to set small goals and accomplish those goals before moving on.  Victory Martial Arts curriculum is designed to keep the students interested.  The techniques change frequently keeping classes fresh.  

As you already know, Life if Hard!!!  It is our responsibility to prepare our children to stay the course, to fight through adversity.  I know one thing for sure.  If your student becomes a Black Belt from Victory Martial Arts, they will not only have the physical skills to defend themselves, they will have learned, developed and applied the life skills necessary to be successful in life. 

    www.steveswinford.com