He did WHAT?

Now that school is back in session bullying is a real concern.  Unfortunately, with technology bullying has increased significantly over the last ten years.

Why is someone a bully?

Why is someone a victim?

The underlying cause is a lack of confidence.  You are either a bully or a victim due to lack of confidence. A confident child is neither a victim or a bully.

What effects the confidence of a child?

Public criticism can destroy a child's confidence.

Remember: Public Praise, Private Criticism!

How you handle confidence building as a parent is vital to that child's confidence.  But, how a teacher handles confidence building is just as important.

When looking at extracurricular activities, you want to make sure it is an opportunity to build confidence.  If you child is sitting on the bench they are losing confidence.

Confidence building needs to be a purposeful well thought out process.

At Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK our curriculum is designed to increase a child's confidence in each and every class.

Marital arts is a great way to increase a child's confidence, If done correctly at a professional school.  Unfortunately, many schools are not professional and do not understand the process.  A professional school has full time instructors and has a written life skills curriculum. This means the instructor is full time and does this for a living.  This gives them the ability to develop and modify their curriculum as needed.  Most schools are either part time or volunteer instructors.  I would not look for the cheapest school.  You are not buying a car.  If you have a serious illness are you looking for the cheapest or the best?  There are many factors that need to be considered when choosing a martial arts school.  But, that is a topic for a later date.

I had a parent come to me years ago.  She stated that her son was being bullied daily at school and had been physically injured several times.  I explained to her that our program could increase his confidence and trough time would reduce the incidents.  I was very clear that this is a process and does not happen overnight.  Her son started in the program and was doing well.  Two weeks after starting his mon called.  She stated that her son took a knife to school and was suspended for the rest of the year.  She was so angry with him she grounded him to his room.  She was more angry that her son was OK with it.  She stated that she was taking him out of karate.  Because she did not want to reward him.  I explained to her that confidence building was a process.  I ask her why she thought he took the knife to school.  She said "I don't know".  To me it was simple, he took the knife to school so he would get suspended.  He was safe in his room and would not be in fear of getting beat up.  She did not understand the problem or the solution and took him out of marital arts.  It was like not giving him medicine that he needed.

A child is at greater risk if they have ADD, ADHD, or Autism.  They are seen  as different.  And bullies will hone in on that.

I have a student that has ADD and a sensory disorder.  His parents brought him to be because he was being bullied.  I explained to them that it was process and overtime his confidence would grow.  They saw a decrease in bullying incidents quickly.  But, to some degree he was still being bullied. They tried everything.  They went to the school.  Had a conference with the teacher and the parents of the bully.  But, nothing seem to help.  Their son had been at Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK for about a year.  One day at in the school hallway this bully approached my student and started in on him.  Calling him names and then he pushed my student.  My student without hesitation unleashed an all out counter offensive on the bully.  The bully fell to the ground.  Then got up crying and ran away.  My student has not been bullied since.

His mom was so excited that her son finally stood up to the bully.

Now, I am not an advocate of fighting.  But, all else had failed.  When someone lays hands on you it is time to defend yourself.  There is no reason to be any one's punching bag.  Normally, the schools had a no tolerance for fighting and everyone gets suspended.  But, in this case everything was on the schools video system.  It was a clear case of self defense.  And the parents had exhausted all other means to resolve the problem.

The object is to win without fighting.


Sincerely,

Steve Swinford
Owner /Master Instructor
Victory Martial Arts
Norman, OK
www.normankarate.com

Back to School Safely

Many of you might not know I have been a police officer for over 17 years.  I am also the owner of Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  That experience has been valuable in seeing trends in attempted child abductions.  At Victory Martial Arts we teach these valuable lessons and much much more.

So, we are going to focus on keeping our children safe from creeps (bad guys) It is very common to see an increase in attempted child abductions around this time of year.  Predators will gravitate toward areas where children gather.  Please talk to your children about these dangers.  I recommend that you role play with your children.  Try to keep it light, as we do not want to scare the kids.  We want to educate them to dangerous situations.  So, they can avoid them.

Here are a few tips:

1 Talk to them about different lures bad guys use, like candy and lost dogs.  It is not important to know them all.  The kids just need to know if stranger approaches asking for help to run.

2. Let then know that it is not appropriate for any adult to ask a child for help.

3. Keep your eye on routes that kids walk to or from schools.

4. If your child rides the bus develop a rotation of parents to take turns sitting at the bus stop.  Many times bad guys will watch an area for days to find he target.  If you are there he will move on.

5. God gave you the gift of fear (Intuition).  Listen to that gut feeling and act.  If you see something out of the ordinary call police immediately.  It is better to call and not need that need and not call.

6. Do not let your children walk to school alone.  Make sure they are in groups.

7. When walking to school, let them know to stay away from the road.  They should walk on the sidewalk as far away from the road as possible.

8. If your child sees the same car passing slowly several times, they need to get farther from the road and pick up the pace.  Run if needed.

9. If your child is walking to school, check the route for people you may know.  Look for safe houses along the way.  Talk to the people that live at those houses and see if your child can use that house for a safe house if they FEEL like they are in danger.  If your child needs to run they can run to the closest safe house.

10. If your child has to run it is better to go to a safe house than your home if no one is home.

If you have any questions or I can help in anyway, please let me know

 Steve Swinford

www.steveswinford.com

Back To School with ADD & ADHD

ADD and ADHD affect each child differently.  The severity of the ADD & ADHD is one reason for this.  One thing each child has in common is the lack of focus for any substantial period of time.  I am the owner  and Master instructor at Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  Many of the children in our program have some level of ADD or ADHD.  We have had great success with these children by designing our program and curriculum around their needs.

Every child and many adults can benefit from increased focus.  I believe that the two main life skills to achieve success are FOUCS and CONFIDENCE.  If you have the ability to block out distractions and concentrate on your work and you believe in your ability to achieve success, you will succeed.

Of course there are other life skills important to success, like perseverance.  But, those are secondary to FOCUS and CONFIDENCE.

The children affected by ADD & ADHD often are victimized by bullies.  There is a direct correlation to lack of focus and lack of confidence.  A child that lacks confidence is the target of a bully.   Children with confidence DO NOT get bullied.

Does you child get frustrated easily with school work?

Does you child make comments or feel like they cannot succeed?

If a child is not able to stay on task they will become frustrated and start to act out in class.  This can and will cause many teachers to verbally reprimand the student.  So, the child is continually being corrected.  The constant correction will cause student to lose Self-Esteem quickly.  Here are a few tips  to help get your child ready for the upcoming school season.

1. Have your child focus on a task like a few spelling words for three minutes.  Then give them a break for 5-10 minutes.  Then repeat the process.  If they have trouble focusing for three minutes, lower the time.  You can use spelling words or a book.  The key it to stop before your child becomes frustrated.
2. Change your child's bedtime to what it will be when school starts.
3. Have home work time in the evening.  Make sure you use Idea # 1 
4. Start talking to your child now about school and what to expect.
5. Some child have a lot of anxiety about going back to school.  Get them up and go through your daily school routine.  You can actually take them to the school just like you would when school starts.  Once, you get to the school, get out and walk up to the doors.  Talk them in a positive manner about school.  If they ride the bus, take them to the bus stop.  This might seem a little extreme, but, it will get your child into the routine.

Usually, we as parents wait until school starts to change routines. This is a serious change for the children.  They are in a class with new kids, they have a new bedtime, homework, and much, much more.  It is important that we implement as many changes as we can slowly over time.  This will help your child adjust to going back to school.  

I have been very fortunate to teach hundreds and hundreds of children over the past ten years at Victory Martial Arts in Norman, OK.  My experience in teaching children has helped me identify some very important techniques that will increase a child's focus and increase their confidence at the same time.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions.  www.normankarate.com

Steve Swinford
Owner / Master Instructor
Victory Marial Arts
Norman, OK
405-447-3005