Now that school is back in session bullying is a real concern. Unfortunately, with technology bullying has increased significantly over the last ten years.
Why is someone a bully?
Why is someone a victim?
The underlying cause is a lack of confidence. You are either a bully or a victim due to lack of confidence. A confident child is neither a victim or a bully.
What effects the confidence of a child?
Public criticism can destroy a child's confidence.
Remember: Public Praise, Private Criticism!
How you handle confidence building as a parent is vital to that child's confidence. But, how a teacher handles confidence building is just as important.
When looking at extracurricular activities, you want to make sure it is an opportunity to build confidence. If you child is sitting on the bench they are losing confidence.
Confidence building needs to be a purposeful well thought out process.
At Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK our curriculum is designed to increase a child's confidence in each and every class.
Marital arts is a great way to increase a child's confidence, If done correctly at a professional school. Unfortunately, many schools are not professional and do not understand the process. A professional school has full time instructors and has a written life skills curriculum. This means the instructor is full time and does this for a living. This gives them the ability to develop and modify their curriculum as needed. Most schools are either part time or volunteer instructors. I would not look for the cheapest school. You are not buying a car. If you have a serious illness are you looking for the cheapest or the best? There are many factors that need to be considered when choosing a martial arts school. But, that is a topic for a later date.
I had a parent come to me years ago. She stated that her son was being bullied daily at school and had been physically injured several times. I explained to her that our program could increase his confidence and trough time would reduce the incidents. I was very clear that this is a process and does not happen overnight. Her son started in the program and was doing well. Two weeks after starting his mon called. She stated that her son took a knife to school and was suspended for the rest of the year. She was so angry with him she grounded him to his room. She was more angry that her son was OK with it. She stated that she was taking him out of karate. Because she did not want to reward him. I explained to her that confidence building was a process. I ask her why she thought he took the knife to school. She said "I don't know". To me it was simple, he took the knife to school so he would get suspended. He was safe in his room and would not be in fear of getting beat up. She did not understand the problem or the solution and took him out of marital arts. It was like not giving him medicine that he needed.
A child is at greater risk if they have ADD, ADHD, or Autism. They are seen as different. And bullies will hone in on that.
I have a student that has ADD and a sensory disorder. His parents brought him to be because he was being bullied. I explained to them that it was process and overtime his confidence would grow. They saw a decrease in bullying incidents quickly. But, to some degree he was still being bullied. They tried everything. They went to the school. Had a conference with the teacher and the parents of the bully. But, nothing seem to help. Their son had been at Victory Martial Arts Norman, OK for about a year. One day at in the school hallway this bully approached my student and started in on him. Calling him names and then he pushed my student. My student without hesitation unleashed an all out counter offensive on the bully. The bully fell to the ground. Then got up crying and ran away. My student has not been bullied since.
His mom was so excited that her son finally stood up to the bully.
Now, I am not an advocate of fighting. But, all else had failed. When someone lays hands on you it is time to defend yourself. There is no reason to be any one's punching bag. Normally, the schools had a no tolerance for fighting and everyone gets suspended. But, in this case everything was on the schools video system. It was a clear case of self defense. And the parents had exhausted all other means to resolve the problem.
The object is to win without fighting.
Sincerely,
Steve Swinford
Owner /Master Instructor
Victory Martial Arts
Norman, OK
www.normankarate.com
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